Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
