I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
