My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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