i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize