Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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