I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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