Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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