I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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