it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
