what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
