it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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