Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
