I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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