i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
