how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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