She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
