so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
