So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
