Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
