so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
