it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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