What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
