she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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