I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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