The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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