So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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