this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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