Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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