I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
