We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
