hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Someone came in the potted fern
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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