this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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