I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
