I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
