i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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