This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize