i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
