do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
