I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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