I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A+ Viking dick
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
