sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
