how can u be prego again
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
