Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Terrible idea I love it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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