I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
