Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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