How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
