that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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