Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
