so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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