Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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