grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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