she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
