you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
