Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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