it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
