I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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