There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
