SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
