my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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