I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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