Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
