You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
