wanna go halves on a baby?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
organizing the empties. That sober.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
