So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
