if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
