..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
