Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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