is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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